Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Keep the scissors perpendicular to the head*

We all remember the kid in school who showed up one day wearing a wool hat towards the end of spring. What the hell? we'd think--might his brain fall out? When asked, the child would shake his head sadly, and soon we learned that the hat was due to some type of horrendous haircut. Patches of hairless flesh would gaze out as us when, finally, he would agree to remove the black and red Spiderman cap, after our repeated promises not to laugh. Of course, we all laughed anyway, and the scarred boy might have run away to cry in the bathroom, and the next day would begin with a high temperature to assure an afternoon at home.

What is even worse than this is coming to school proudly wearing a haircut that your mother's crazy friend gave, shaped like a mixing bowl, bangs sitting languidly a half-inch above the eyebrows and resembling Chris Partridge a bit too closely. Your unabashedness stole the attention from the kid who was still wearing a hat two weeks after his disastrous chop. He thanked you silently, I'm sure.

One would have thought I was drunk when I came home this evening with a large mop of black half-curls on my head and decided that I would cut my own hair, using a battery-powered beard trimmer to buzz the four inch hair down to a neat 1/2 inch. But I wasn't. I quickly gouged a v-shaped bald patch near my left temple with a pair of scissors spontaneously, and unfortunately, turned sideways. JESUS! I yelled. Why was I so surprised? I don't know what the hell I'm doing!

My roommate Elizabeth saved the day. Instead of buzzing it all, I've turned this "bad spot" into an declaration of coolness. Hey, it's better than the freakin' EuroMullet I see all too often in the streets of Prague. I think of it like a pinstripe of sorts. My God, why didn't I think this through......

*By keeping the scissors perpendicular to the head, you will avoid the possibly of embarrassing yourself in front of your business professional students for the next month.


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