Thursday, January 12, 2006

Tell me what to do

Again, I sigh as I sit down to type out my thoughts. I need to figure out some way to transcribe my thoughts into written words. Hmmm. I think Strong Bad can help me.

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I never know what to do with my life. It is a sickness that prevails in me, a cache somewhere of ambivalence and doubt. Should I go to grad school, or should I go to Brazil? What are my options for radio internships? Maybe I need to stay in Prague, or maybe go to Chile, Argentina, Faeroe Islands, Vanuatu...

What is my problem? It seems absurd to be so confused by such great options. It's not as though my choices are between a spinal tap and eating bugs (and I hate eating bugs). Each option includes at least one of the following: excitement, education, travel, learning new languages, furthering a career of my choice, swimming, hiking, meeting beautiful foreign women, drinking excellent wine, and discovery.

This scourge is a common foe in my generation, who is basically a group of people being told all their lives how good things used to be in the old days and finding out that doesn't exist anymore, much to our chagrin. That penny pretzel that was "the size of your head" is now a seat in an MIS class where most of your peers are from Eurasia and way, way smarter and harder-working than you.

The jobs that people like me want these days involve long travel, uncomfortable beds, a constant and complete lost-in-translation nightmare so that it actually reduces your communicative abilities because you can't tell any cool stories or jokes, possible airport security issues, and definitely diarrhea. This is why I have so many option's of this nature: 40 years ago only insane asylum escapees did this stuff.

People seem to crave some sort of goal for their life. It keeps them focused on some sort of plan, a way to look forward to things. But I'm afraid that current societies place far too much on wealth as a form of happiness and achievement, even as the teach the opposite to the poor.

Maybe the goal is to do as many things as you can, to have as many experiences as you can. When we die, all of the things that we can use in those last hours, those final moments, we already have within us. How reassuring.

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