Saturday, December 31, 2005

Green Leafy Substances

I am locked into a sad debacle where I insist upon starving them to death. I could be convicted of committing atrocities! For some reason, I cannot remember to water my plants. It takes about 30 seconds twice a week to water them. This means I have to devote roughly 52 minutes per year towards watering two plants. One I found upon moving into my apartment in Prague. It had been suspiciously sitting on top of the refrigerator, in the kitchen (admittedly the most depressing area in the apartment) with a bag over it. That seemed cruel. Why put a bag over a plant? The second plant came from a Polish girl that I was half-dating. This one is more seaweedy, and Vincent confirms his obvious preference by consistently eating its leaves. It is much larger than plant #1, and both greener and fuller. Plant #2 visibly sags when it does not receive enough H-2, sulking a bit even.

What I am noticing now, as I disregard the dishes I agreed to clean, is that I have placed plant #1 physically outside the room, stuck in a clear limbo between the inner window and outer window, which is about eight inches away. In the Czech Republic, insulation is provided by a double layer of equally drafty and ineffectual windows, so that warm air simply escapes less quickly. I placed plant #1 in between these two windows, probably trying to hide from its pitiful condition. I figure if I ignore it for enough time I can declare it legally dead, thus abdicating any prior responsibility: "Well, I can't do anything about it now.” What a strange way to behave over a plant.

Plant #2 has unofficially won my interest. It is inside, sitting on a bedside table, watching over me as I sleep, plotting to kill me if I don’t take better care of it. I know that there is no way plant #1 could get through that window, but #2 is sitting within leaves length from my face with all its valuables—eyes, mouth, etc. I have to respect its position. While abroad you must avoid serious injury, especially when you don’t speak the language. A hospital rarely needs even more confusion and misunderstandings.


Blogger Planter said...

Chlorophyllicidal is the proper name for plant-murdering effetisits like yourself! You only have plantlife in your presence so that it can make YOU feel better about your existence. If you really tried you'd hear their screams! Plants have feelings, talk WITH them and listen before you respond. You and the world will be all the better for it!

Power to the plankton!

12:45 AM  

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